MNSBR: What To Do With A Dead Deer In The Yard? - MNSBR

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What To Do With A Dead Deer In The Yard? help!

#1 User is offline   suzucchini Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:18 AM

So last night I was showing someone around my long back yard and noticed a golden brown object gorgeously lit up by the sunset. You guessed it: an adult deer had stuck its head through a wire mesh somewhere, panicked, ran, and snagged a piece of my fence, breaking its neck. Flies were gathering so I know it was not just asleep, pining for the fjords.

I called the Dead Animal Pick Up Unit (fun job) of St. Paul (I am withing the city limit) and they said they couldn't enter private property but I could drag it to the boulevard. Only problem is it's 250 yards from any such road, down a hill, and the thing doesn't look light to carry. Nor can a vehicle get close.

Oh, and it needs to be done today since I am out of town for the weekend and don't look forward to returning to maggots.

Burial? Bonfire? Vellum factory? Helicopter? I now I can count on you guys for creative and/or practical suggestions...
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#2 User is offline   BlindGoldfish Z Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:20 AM

Do you have a chainsaw you could use to make the pieces more managable to drag?

I'm sure your neighbors would get a kick out of a pile of fleshy parts on the curb...
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#3 User is offline   Sam Farris Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:37 AM

Go to Fleet Farm and buy a big-ass reinforced plastic tarp. Wrap your deer buddy up in the tarp in such a way so that he can't slide out. Get a couple people to help you drag him to the curb. It amazing how easily you move/slide something just by putting like a rug or tarp under it.

Sam
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#4 User is offline   suzucchini Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:37 AM

View PostBlindGoldfish Z, on Sep 4 2009, 08:20 AM, said:

Do you have a chainsaw you could use to make the pieces more managable to drag?

I'm sure your neighbors would get a kick out of a pile of fleshy parts on the curb...


Yes, but showing up to the office drenched in blood is frowned upon. Besides, the more I interfere with the carcass the more it looks like I killed it illegally and am trying to hide something. Maybe I could stick an arrow in it and drag it to the neighbor's property then call the cops on them...
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#5 User is offline   vespadaddy Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:42 AM

I think you should pack the carcass with fireworks, and youtube the 'distribution' of said carcass.
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#6 User is offline   Neltech Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:43 AM

hand grenade
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#7 User is offline   ZZR Joel Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:45 AM

Have you seen Reno 911 the movie? Just blow it up
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#8 User is offline   BlindGoldfish Z Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:47 AM

View PostSam Farris, on Sep 4 2009, 08:37 AM, said:

Go to Fleet Farm and buy a big-ass reinforced plastic tarp. Wrap your deer buddy up in the tarp in such a way so that he can't slide out. Get a couple people to help you drag him to the curb. It amazing how easily you move/slide something just by putting like a rug or tarp under it.

Sam



You're being too helpful and logical Sam.
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#9 User is offline   ZX6roveRider Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:54 AM

View Postsuzucchini, on Sep 4 2009, 08:37 AM, said:

Yes, but showing up to the office drenched in blood is frowned upon. Besides, the more I interfere with the carcass the more it looks like I killed it illegally and am trying to hide something. Maybe I could stick an arrow in it and drag it to the neighbor's property then call the cops on them...

Take the opportunity to practice your survival skills that you learned from Bear Grylls.... you may be thankful someday that you did.

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#10 User is offline   BlindGoldfish Z Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 07:57 AM

You said you couldn't get your car back there... what about your motorcycle?

What about a long rope to the road utilizing a complex set of pulleys?
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#11 User is offline   BlindGoldfish Z Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 08:01 AM

Helium/weather balloons and just let it float to wherever?

Build a tank around it, fill it with water, and then drop piranhas in?

If the neighbors have kids, invite them over to play with a "stuffed animal," capture the kids, then have them carry it away?



Just throwing out ideas here...
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#12 User is offline   killerrabbit Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 08:05 AM

Slice it open, climb inside, and play with the carcass untill you wander into the street and get hit by a semi-truck!!!
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#13 User is offline   3 Banger Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 08:11 AM

By Tuesday, nature will have gotten rid of most of it for you.

If it's not near the house, let the flies work their magic.
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#14 User is offline   Goldfish Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 08:12 AM

Tie it to the bike, and tow it in to work. That way if you get lost, you can follow the red "paint" all the way home.
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#15 User is offline   antimatter Icon

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 08:15 AM

Hang it on your front door. Nothing says 'Stay the fuck off my property' like a rotting carcass on the porch.
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